(The Walking Dead narrator voice) Previously on What Do You Want?
In my last post about what it is that I want in life, I wrote some arbitrary things to be healthy, to be at peace, to be loving, etc. These answers are…weak. I mean really. Who in the world doesn’t want to be healthy and happy? The answers I gave were safe and are the type of answers that people no one would have negative opinions about (or so that’s what I think/thought).
I’m terrified of other’s opinions of me and I’ve always been that way ever since I was a small child. I would come across people in my life that genuinely don’t give a shit about what other people thought and I would look at them with such confusion and envy. How do I get that way? I’m not sure if one is born with it written in the stars that they’ll struggle caring about outside opinions or not but it’s something that has severely stunted me as far as I can remember.
(Breaking Bad narrator voice) Previously on What Do They Think?
I talked a little bit about how I feel about my life and my life accomplishments (or lack thereof) and how I’m insecure about where I am in my life. I came to the revelation (while talking to myself) that no matter what other’s opinions are of my life or who I am, it is my opinion of who I am that matters the most.
These past two posts intertwine because what I want to do with my life and how people will think about what I want to do with my life are two things that circle in my head constantly. I gave weak answers to what I want in life because I am afraid of what people will think about what I actually want to do with my life. I’m going to ask and answer the question again.
What do you want?
I want to be a wife, a mom, and a homemaker. In my head, this is the negative things people would say about this aspiration: “Is this the 1950’s? Us women haven’t come this far in the feminist movement for you to turn your head and be the exact thing that we (women) have been fighting so hard to get out of.” In my head, logically, I know that I’m not being anti-feminist. Feminism is about giving women the choice to do what they want without the need of a man. I choose to want to be a wife and homemaker. I love cooking and cleaning. I love the idea of raising healthy children with healthy homemade food for most meals. I love baking delicious goody’s and I love the idea of making homemade almond milk and orange juice. I want to make homemade baby food with my high-powered blender and make delicious healthy smoothies for my family. I believe cleaning and taking care of what the universe has given to me is a way of saying thank you. I also feel that living in a cleaner environment gives the feel of cleaner or clearer energy. I love the way my home feels when it is cleaned and I love how I feel a sense of accomplishment.
Nutrition is incredibly important to me. Food is one of the main sustainers of human life along with water and shelter. I want a big vegetable garden. I want to watch the fruits of my labor be fed to my family and I want my kids growing up learning how to make their own food from the ground to their table. I also want to give healthy food to those who don’t have access to fresh fruits and vegetables. I love food, I love vegetables, and I love preparing delicious healthy food for others.
General health is very important to me. I believe that healthy mind, body, and spirit can go an incredibly long way to preventing diseases of both the mind and body. Unfortunately, having access to healthy food (and being a healthy individual in general) is a major player in our elitist caste system in America. Those who can hardly afford to buy food most assuredly cannot afford nutritiously rich foods (Whole Foods ain’t call “Whole Paycheck” for no reason). I want to make healthy food available for those who it’s not available for. I’m not exactly sure how I’m going to execute this, but I will make healthy food easily accessible to those who need it. Along with the nutrition, I would also like to teach yoga and proper exercise to those who can’t afford to go to yoga classes or have access to a personal trainer.
Going back to my original What Do You Want Post, all the answers I wrote were nice but they weren’t really what I wanted. Well, that’s not true but like I said before they were weak answers. Yesterday I cried to my husband about how I feel like I’m a no one and how I feel the need to have others validation for who I am, but I don’t need their validation, I just need my own. What I want from life is valid because I believe it’s valid. I need to be enough for one else other than myself.